Well, damn
I love air conditioning. It feels so good to be cold when you know that it's 80 degrees outside. At 11:30pm. The heat just makes me feel so sluggish, although occasionally I do really love it. I'd rather be sweaty and hot than cold, as long as I'm in some short shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, I'm just a hot mess.
Ah shit, I'm just a hot mess anyway. Sometimes I believe I'm deluding myself when I look in the mirror and think that I see a pretty girl. I figure, if you can squint enough and see someone ugly, you must be ugly, no? I look at pictures of myself and see someone ugly, generally. I see the way people react to me, and it's not any more favorable than they react to other people. So I figure I'm, at the very most, average. I used to be extremely thin, and that always made me feel slightly better about myself, but now I'm just thin. And so what? There are lots of thin girls out there, with nicer hair and skin, and bigger boobs and fewer stretch marks.
It doesn't help when that boy of mine constantly turns me down. He is very unaffectionate and honestly, genuinely, seems uninterested in me or my body. He does okay sometimes, but he hardly ever holds my hand any more, he doesn't hug or kiss me unless I initiate it, and he just gives off this big, fat, "I don't care" vibe to me most of the time. It's not that I think he doesn't care about me, I just don't think he really thinks that much of me sometimes. As though I'm there, and that I'll always be there, so why bother? If he needs me or wants me, I'm there. But if I want him, he may or may not be there.
I don't know. Steve wasn't terribly interested in me sexually, and he was still very affectionate and attentive.
Ah, shit. Maybe it's just PMS. Maybe it's just today. Maybe it sucks to be dating a man who is very unwilling to share things and be affectionate with me, even though he's really awesome and would be even more awesome if he could do these things.
I REALLY don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'd like to crawl under a rock and hide there for a while...
Ah shit, I'm just a hot mess anyway. Sometimes I believe I'm deluding myself when I look in the mirror and think that I see a pretty girl. I figure, if you can squint enough and see someone ugly, you must be ugly, no? I look at pictures of myself and see someone ugly, generally. I see the way people react to me, and it's not any more favorable than they react to other people. So I figure I'm, at the very most, average. I used to be extremely thin, and that always made me feel slightly better about myself, but now I'm just thin. And so what? There are lots of thin girls out there, with nicer hair and skin, and bigger boobs and fewer stretch marks.
It doesn't help when that boy of mine constantly turns me down. He is very unaffectionate and honestly, genuinely, seems uninterested in me or my body. He does okay sometimes, but he hardly ever holds my hand any more, he doesn't hug or kiss me unless I initiate it, and he just gives off this big, fat, "I don't care" vibe to me most of the time. It's not that I think he doesn't care about me, I just don't think he really thinks that much of me sometimes. As though I'm there, and that I'll always be there, so why bother? If he needs me or wants me, I'm there. But if I want him, he may or may not be there.
I don't know. Steve wasn't terribly interested in me sexually, and he was still very affectionate and attentive.
Ah, shit. Maybe it's just PMS. Maybe it's just today. Maybe it sucks to be dating a man who is very unwilling to share things and be affectionate with me, even though he's really awesome and would be even more awesome if he could do these things.
I REALLY don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'd like to crawl under a rock and hide there for a while...
posted by Sarah @ 11:38 PM
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